


you're my best friend and we're dancing in a world alone (world alone)

by itsanizzyb



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Character Study, F/F, Fluff, Getting Together, i guess this is a holtz character study on some level
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-12
Updated: 2021-02-12
Packaged: 2021-03-18 14:47:13
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29370267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsanizzyb/pseuds/itsanizzyb
Summary: Holtzmann never meant to fall in love with Erin: she didn't believe in love at first sight.Or: it happens over a shared pizza and an unsolvable problem.
Relationships: Erin Gilbert/Jillian Holtzmann
Comments: 10
Kudos: 27
Collections: Chocolate Box - Round 6





	you're my best friend and we're dancing in a world alone (world alone)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [ariestess](https://archiveofourown.org/users/ariestess/gifts).



Holtzmann never meant to fall in love with Erin: she didn't believe in love at first sight. She didn't believe in love at first sight, until she saw Erin's banana clips.

She knew immediately who the intruder was; she just didn't expect her to be so… attractive.

Abby had said everything there was to say about how she was disloyal, flighty, _real heartbreaker material_ , but she had never mentioned how she was so. Very. Attractive.

But she couldn't love her, because she was Abby's sworn enemy, and Abby was Holtz's whole world. Abby was Holtzmann's only real friend… well, ever. She would have done anything for her. Abby was the strongest, most creative, most unique person she had ever met.

She'd tried it with Abby, once. Misreading the signs, always getting her signals crossed. Abby's hand brushing hers as she showed her a new piece of tech. Abby leaning into Holtzmann's arm around her shoulders, propping her head against Holtz's collarbone.

Holtz is a physical person – always has been – she gets and gives affection with her body. But it's mostly been snatched here and there – one-night stands, dancing with someone at a club. The long, warm hugs she shares with Abby are on another level. It's comforting, it's love, it's family.

And Holtzmann mistakes that for something more. So one night, as Abby leans over, laughing, and wipes pasta sauce from Holtzmann's cheek, she closes the distance between them and presses a gentle, questioning kiss to her mouth.

Abby jumps backwards, jaw ajar.

Holtzmann's world implodes. She's fucked everything up. She's going to lose Abby, all because she couldn't keep her stupid hands to her stupid self.

Abby wraps her hands around Holtzmann's wrists before she does anything stupid. She explains gently that she wasn't interested – not just in Jillian, but in anyone – and that she loves her. She _loves_ her. Holtzmann cries, and tried to pretend it's not crying, and Abby asks pointedly _Holtz, do you really like me like that_?

And Holtzmann doesn't think so, not after considering it for a moment. She just… craves everything from the only person she has.

But now she knows what attraction feels like. It's the dull aching the starts in her chest when she sees Erin's face for the first time. The way she can't keep her eyes from travelling over to her face to check that everything's okay, multiple times an hour. The fuzzy feeling every time Erin touches her, or uses her name.

_God_ , when Erin uses her name.

When Erin says, "Holtzmann, I am _beyond_ impressed," in the alleyway after she makes the first wearable proton pack, her heart lights up. She wants to rip it from Abby's back and present it to Erin as a token of her affection.

But Abby has been waiting years for this moment, and Erin is a traitor, so she doesn't do that. Instead, she vows to make something special for Erin to show her how important she is.

In short, she's conflicted when she meets Erin. At first, she executes her mating dance, cautious, wanting to be able to jump backwards into Abby's safe arms if Erin does break her heart. Abby's warnings: _don't get too close to her, Holtzmann; she'll ask you to write a book, and then she'll squash your dreams_ ringing in her head.

The unreasonable stab of jealousy she feels whenever Erin talks to Kevin is painful. It's not his fault. But sometimes, she can't stop herself from rolling her eyes at him. And sometimes, she watches Erin with a look of raw pain on her face, and she knows Abby sees it.

Holtzmann knows the story of Erin's mean old lady next door. She already knows everything about Erin. When Abby and Holtzmann first got close, Abby had a small breakdown one night and told Holtz everything. And Holtzmann's heart expanded and she wanted to kill the person who did this to her.

And now she's in love with her.

Her heart is goddamned near overflowing when Erin and Abby show their presentation to her and Patty. As Abby scoops Erin up, she knows they've forgiven each other. And she's happy that Abby's happy, but she's happier that she doesn't have to be scared anymore.

From the confused looks that Erin gives her, Holtz knows that she understands what she's doing. And that should make her feel flayed raw, exposed, but she doesn't. She feels safe. She lets Erin take her time, figuring herself out. And then, after Erin returns from saving the world, she runs straight to Holtzmann. And she begins to hope.

Slowly, as Erin returns her looks, and they begin to catch each other in the act of sneaking glances, Holtzmann begins to hope. Erin brings her breakfast. Little tokens of affection.

It takes almost six months for them to get together, and it happens over a shared pizza and an unsolvable problem. It's nearly midnight, and they've been working for almost twenty hours straight now. At first, it had been off-handed, joking, spit-balling, something Abby had tossed Holtzmann's way in a _this-is-impossible_ bantering tone.

Abby should've known that Holtzmann would only see it as a challenge. She enlists Erin after she pokes her head in the door and says, "What if you tried… _this_?" and writes some of the most elegant math Holtz has ever seen clean through Holtz's chicken-scratch.

However, after fifteen hours, Erin's flagging. "I'm beginning to think this might actually _be_ impossible." She tosses her pen down.

"Erin Gilbert! I don't want to hear that kind of negativity," Holtz half-shouts. She softens after a second. Erin looks tired; her hair's mussed up and her foundation's starting to rub off on her hand where she's propping her cheek up with it. "Let's get some dinner and take a break," she says.

Erin raises an eyebrow at her; "It's eleven forty-three. At night," she points out. She's smiling anyway.

"This is New York, baby!" Holtz flashes a smile at Erin before digging through the junk on the bench until she finds her phone. It's only got five percent battery, because it's been hiding amongst all the shit in her lab for a few days. It's got enough juice to place their regular order – a half-n-half with olives on Erin's side and pineapple on Holtz's. "And… done!" she announces, thrusting a fist in the air in triumph. "Come here," she adds, collapsing onto the couch. Erin stands up, stretching upwards, first one way then the other. Her spine pops a few times, and she sighs deeply.

When she joins Holtz on the couch, Holtzmann can't help but smile at her. She's stunning – her make-up is acquiring that slept-in look, her hair is tangled enough to look like post-sex hair, and she looks sleepy and happy. The same way Holtz imagines she looks the _morning after_. This gives her a painful pang in her chest, and she covers it by sitting up, crossing her arms briefly. "You okay?" she asks Erin softly.

Erin turns to look at her, surprise evident on her face. "Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay," she says, blinking heavily. "Are you okay?" She lifts her hand and traces Holtz's cheek with it, eyes searching her face for something.

"Yeah, I'm okay," Holtz manages. Erin's exceptionally beautiful, haloed by the yellow light of Holtz's lamp, smiling gently, fingers expertly tucking Holtz's curls back into her bandanna.

Her heart thuds fast enough that she can't detect a distinct beat, just a rushing sound in her veins. "D'ya wanna-" She was going to say something witty like _do you want a beer_ , but before she gets even close, Erin stretches up a handsbreadth and kisses her.

Holtz makes a strangled noise – _shut up, dumbass_ , she scolds herself, but then muscle memory takes over. She slips a hand over the nape of Erin's neck, tangling her fingers in the strands there, pulling her closer. She pauses for a second, giving them both a chance to catch their breath, then pulls Erin in again. Her colleague lets out a little squeak, even though she's enthusiastically reciprocating, and Holtz stops herself.

"Holtzmann," Erin breathes, and, "Wow."

"Yeah," Holtz agrees, then immediately wants to kick herself for the banality.

"I- don't-" Erin struggles for words. " _Holtzmann_ ," she breathes again.

Holtz strokes Erin's messy hair away from her face and brings her forehead in to touch Erin's. "It's okay," she whispers, nose brushing Erin's. "It's okay."

Erin keeps her eyes squeezed shut, like she's looking into a supernova. "I really like you," she whispers.

"I really like you too, E," Holtz says, bringing her hands down to Erin's shoulders and brushing her thumbs over the sharp collarbones there, trying to convey how _deeply_ in this she is already.

"Is this… are we…" Erin hiccups the words out, hesitant.

"Whatever you want," Holtzmann says, pulling back a little. Erin finally opens her eyes. Holtz nearly chokes on their intensity, the way they're searing a hole into her soul.

Erin leans forward a hairsbreadth, her lips brushing Holtz's ear, and says, "I want everything with you."

Every molecule of air in her lungs puffs out as Holtzmann sighs sharply. Erin puts her hands questioningly on Holtz's shoulders. Holtz yields to the gentle pressure, so Erin pushes her until they're both lying down on the couch. Then she tilts her head down and begins kissing down Holtz's neck.

"I- want everything- with you, too," Holtz manages, as every point on her body Erin touches blossoms a warm heat until she's breathless and blushing. She huffs out little sighs of pleasure as Erin cups a hand around her waist and tilts up to kiss her on the lips. Then she retreats for a moment, leaning her forehead on Holtz's, looking her in the eye to check that she's okay.

And she's more than okay. She reaches up and runs her fingertips over Erin's shoulder-blades, applying a gentle but persistent pressure until Erin breaks into a smile and starts kissing her again.

They do this for a while, exploring each other, sharing tiny noises of surprise when they find a particularly fascinating spot. Erin spends a long time tracing the line of planets tattooed along the plane of Holtz's right shoulder, and in turn, Holtz occupies herself with cataloguing the freckles scattered on Erin's collarbone and the peaks of her shoulders.

The doorbell interrupts their floaty dreamland of sleep deprivation and oxytocin. They both jump, more than is warranted, but then Erin laughs and pushes herself upright. Holtz can only swallow, still in awe of the situation, of Erin, of the universe.

"I'll go," Erin offers, fingers easily finding the undone buttons on her shirt and redoing them. Holtz can only stare – she doesn't have anywhere near that kind of fine motor control after what they've been doing – so she nods wordlessly. She's usually the chivalrous type, but right now every bone in her body is about as sturdy as a pool noodle, so Erin can handle this one. Just this once. Holtz's edges are blurring into the universe tonight.

She sits up, rubs her eyes, stretches. The room is lit only by spilled light from their whiteboard and the blinking hulk of the containment unit. She runs a light finger over her lips, blinking through slow lashes, trying to contain herself.

When Erin returns, she puts the pizza box on the coffee table and kneels in front of the couch, putting her hands on Holtz's thighs. "Come," she says, quiet enough that Holtz thinks that she probably feels the moving of the universe too.

Somehow they make their way to sit on the ground. Holtz still hasn't managed a word. Erin brushes her flyaway curls out of her eyes and kisses her on her forehead with gentle care. Then she leans forward, carefully separating two slices of pizza, handing one to Holtz.

Erin raises hers in their ritual _cheers_ gesture. Holtz lifts hers, touching it to Erin's like a toast. They eat slowly, but when Erin pulls Holtz onto her lap and begins kissing her neck, Holtz doesn't protest at all. She runs her hands up and down Erin's arms, wraps herself around Erin, worshipping her.

They're still entangled in each other, a little while later; Erin's hand twined in Holtz's hair, Holtz stroking curious spirals on Erin's back. When Erin pulls away from the embrace abruptly, Holtz lets out a little _ah_ in protest. 

"I've got it!" Erin nearly shouts. "I can solve it!"

Holtz wraps her arms around her legs as she watches Erin scrawl across the pizza box, unable to stop herself grinning, calculating it out ahead of Erin, laughing when she sees where they went wrong before.

Holtzmann never meant to fall in love with Erin, but the universe is beautiful and huge and mysterious, and they are here, together, on a Wednesday night in a messy lab in New York City, and she's happy.

She's _happy_.

**Author's Note:**

> This fic has been brought to you by our sponsors:  
> \- An unhealthy preoccupation with Gideon the Ninth,  
> \- Avoiding my readings for the upcoming semester,  
> \- And the sappiest playlist I could compile at short notice.   
> This Love – Taylor Swift  
> A World Alone – Lorde  
> Into You – Emma Heesters (or, Ariana Grande, if you're into that)  
> Is This How You Feel? – The Preatures  
> Girls Like Girls – Hayley Kiyoko  
> A Thousand Years – Christina Perri  
> Shaky Ground – Freedom Fry  
> Happy Together – The Turtles  
> Love You For A Long Time – Maggie Rogers  
> Warm Heart – Hollie Col  
> The Bones – Maren Morris & Hozier  
> Sort Of – Ingrid Michaelson


End file.
